"Youth Moms" are using Facebook as a communication tool (see earlier post), however evidence shows that most "Teen Moms" (women with children age 12-18) are using it as a way to keep an eye on their children. The Razorfish Study of Digital Moms found that 47% of moms with a child over the age of 12 that use social networking sites do it to monitor their child's online behavior and a 2008 study by Garlik, a UK based online identity company, found that 72% of parents spy on their kids' online activity by secretly logging into their accounts (25%) or by setting up their own accounts (26%). While this may seem like an invasion of privacy, is it necessary for the protection of our children? The debate is open.
Linda Philips, mother (and Facebook friend) of eight children who range in age from 10 to 25 and one of the teachers of Stanford University's new course "Facebook for Parents," says that being friends with your children on Facebook is "responsible parenting, knowing who their friends are and who is involved in their life. We're ineffective as parents if we are naive and ignorant," Philips said to ABC news.
On the other hand, Dr. Herbert Mandell, a psychiatrist and medical director of KidsPeace, a 126-year-old national children's crisis organization, and Roy Cooper, co-chairman of the State Attorney General Task Force on Social Networking, both believe that it is more effective to talk to teenagers than to spy on them. Cooper said in a recent Sun Sentinel article that "parents should talk to kids about things they post online about themselves, including pictures, videos and comments that can be seen by strangers, future employers and others. And tell them not to accept friends on social-networking sites unless they know who they are."
89% of parents in the Garlik study did report that they speak to their children about the dangers of social networking, but is that enough protection? Here is an example of one teen that,despite talking to his parents about online dangers, accepted a friend request from a stranger who then tracked him down at his home within 24 hours.
While the above report was an investigative journalist and not a threat to the teen, the risks are real. According to a 2006 report by CBS evening news, The Center for Missing and Exploited Children reported more than 2,600 incidents of adults using the Internet to entice children in 2005. A 2007 report found that 29,000 sex offenders had MySpace pages.
Reports of sexual predators, cyber bullying, blackmail, and overall incriminating behavior that can impact a child's personal and professional future, leads me to believe that parents should not only talk to their children about the dangers of social networking but also help them to put available safety precautions in place and teach them to understand why their parents should be able to view their activity. After all, if a teen does not understand why they should not be posting anything on Facebook or MySpace that they would not want their mother to see, it is a clear sign they do not understand the potential dangers being discussed.
If you are a parent of a teen that is active on social networking sites there are tons of tips out there on how to keep them safe. Here are some that stand out from my research.
1) Educate yourself. First, learn about technology in general. In this day and age parents can't in the dark. Parents - The Anti Drug offers some great information about teens and technology. Then get social network savvy. Be aware of the social networking sites that your child could potentially be on and keep an ear open for discussions about their participation in these sites. Research the features of each site they are on and privacy measures available.
2) Talk to your teen. Engage in an open, non-accusatory conversation with your teen about the appropriate use of social networks and the dangers that exist. Cite examples in the news to show them that it is reality, not a paranoid parent, and agree upon specific rules to follow in terms of accepting friends and information that they can and cannot (last name, address, phone number) reveal on their profile page. Keep the communication open and regular.
3) Put privacy measures in place. Help your child to understand the privacy settings that are available and ensure that their information is protected. GetNetWise offers audio tutorials to help you with privacy on Facebook, MySpace and Xanga.
4) Join the network. Create accounts on the same sites as your teen and become friends with them. If they are a minor require that they accept you or prohibit them from using the site. Check in on your child's page but DO NOT publicly interfere with something you disagree with. If you find something that they are posting inappropriate or dangerous, discuss it with them privately.
5) Encourage your child to have friends over instead of socializing online. It seems like personal interaction is becoming a lost art.
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